


Screw it: Family

by PainInSilence



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dad Sans, Father Sans, adopted dad sans, chosen dad sans, chosen family, dad!Sans, sans is frisk’s adopted dad, sans is frisk’s chosen dad, sans is frisk’s dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainInSilence/pseuds/PainInSilence
Summary: A very uniquely dialogue only formatted story about everyone being a familynote: not great at puns and not putting in the effort right now
Kudos: 6





	1. Format

*sans

*PAPYRUS

•Toriel

•UNDYNE

~alphys

~Mettaton

-Asgore

[Gaster, Chara, and Flowey/Asriel are mentioned but not actually in this fic]

In an attempt to keep it game-like in an abstract way the text is formatted in only so many characters at a time as well leading to odd cut offs and capitalization


	2. The Very Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of all this

*frisk, never repeat the words I’m about to say: 

(What?)

*sans is done with everyone’s shit, so I’m just gonna protect you this time.

(Really! Will you be okay? I don’t want you to get in trouble)

*kid, pap is my brother and undyne can be tricked,

*alphys is a pushover, and we have toriel to stop asgore. we’ll be fine.

(What about Mettaton?)

*once alphys realizes she doesn’t need to endanger you to be

*your friend she’ll make sure mettaton protects you, okay?

*besides, the guy absolutely loves you after you

*become friends. you’re his favorite show guest.

(Really! I am?)

*of course, kid! You’re fun to be around, bring more

*views, and know how to make pie! we all love ya, frisk.

(Aww man, I love you guys. You’re gonna make me cry, Sans)

*it’s okay to cry as long as it’s happy or else someone’s 

*gonna have a bad time.

(Sans...if this time it works out...whether we stay down here or we do break the barrier...can we really be a family?)

*huh. i guess in the scripted timeline they leave it pretty open.

*of course. so, who’s everyone gonna be in this wacky family?

(You only asked that cuz it rhymed didn’t you)

*you can’t prove anything. i am serious though, do you 

*want to put labels on it or just have us all be chaotic?

(Why? Would it be more crazy than usual?)

*frisk, You’re a child that has us all wrapped around

*your finger. there will be fights on who’s the best parent or

*sibling or aunt or uncle. it’ll be a cycle of fighting for

*the best family title.

(...I should probably assign you guys the way I see you already then, huh)

*yeah, i kinda suggest it. wait until we’re done getting

*everyone to realize they care about you to tell us though.

*don’t wanna break the timeline too much after all.

(Okay. Does this mean we need to take Toriel with us! Asgore will fight me otherwise right?)

*dunk, i forgot about that. i guess so. don’t tell her I swore

*earlier. she’ll kill me before i make it out the door.

(My lips are sealed.)

*i kinda wish it were literal to make that funnier but

*anyway, come on, then. time for toriel to meet her

*door buddy, I guess.

(Wait! Sans, they don’t know sign yet!)

*wow, can’t believe i forgot about that. how’d they

*learn it last time? 

(Uhh...huh. I can’t remember.)

*eh, we’ll figure it out. tori could understand you right?

(Woah, I didn’t even realize- Yeah! She did!)

*maybe there’s a translator in our brains or 

*somethin. let’s not question it too much.

(Yeah, okay.)


	3. After The “Usual” Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is after the whole Meet-Everyone-Stay-Or-Go thing

*so, it’s finally time! frisk, tell everyone where they fit

*into the family before they go rabid.

~Yes! I’m so eager to know how you see me, Darling!

(Oh boy. This is a lot more pressure now that everyone’s here.)

*DO NOT WORRY, FRISK! WE WILL ONLY ATTACK EACH-OTHER

*IF WE ARE UPSET WE HAVE LOST OUR MOST DESIRED

*TITLE. THOUGH, WE WILL BE HAPPY HOWEVER YOU

*SEE US, I’M SURE!

(Thanks, Papy. Okay, here goes. First, obviously Toriel is Mom)

•Oh, Thank you! I’ve always seen you as my child. I love you

•Like my child, after all. Oh, come here! Let me hug you!

(Ahhhh save me! If I die by hug I can’t tell you who you are!)

*I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL SAVE YOU HUMAN!

*pap...joining the hug doesn’t save them

•PAPYRUS I WANNA KNOW WHO I AM GET OFF FRISK

*ALRIGHT, BUT KNOW IT WAS A GOOD HUG

(Goat-Mom hugs are always the best. Is that rude? I’ve always thought it was a funny nickname...)

•I think it is very funny.

(Good, I don’t wanna upset you. Okay, next! Alphys and Undyne are the crazy aunts!)

•YES! I’M AN AUNT!

~w-wait...did you m-mean-

(Don’t deny it, Alphys. I know all your secrets. Also, it’s really obvious.)

~oh no...

•WAIT WHAT SECRETS! 

(Don’t worry about it, right now. Now, Papy is the my uncle and the family brother!)

*you gotta specify?

(Yup. Mom is a mom to everyone, not just me. Papy is like a brother to everyone but he’s my uncle.)

*I AM SO EXCITED TO BE AN UNCLE! QUESTION:

*WHAT IS AN UNCLE?

~Oh, brother. Can I know my title now? I want to tell

~All my fans when we’re done. 

(Of course! You’re kinda like an Aunt, Uncle, Sibling hybrid. You’re an adult but also an accomplice.)

~Ooo! I love it! How about Auntling! That’s an 

~Inspiring new title! It’ll be trending immediately!

(I’m glad. Okay, Asgore is the Uncle. I would be more specific...but no.)

-Thank you. I’ll try to be the best Uncle I can.

(Sans, should I include You-Know-Who or leave him?)

*probably safer to ignore him. if he bothers you again

*i’ll make sure he has a bad time

•WHO’S BOTHERING FRISK! I’LL BEAT ‘EM UP FOR YOU!

•Now, Now, Undyne. No need for violence. We can solve

•This another way. We do need to know who it is

•However if we are to help.

(Don’t worry about it. Sans can take care of him.)

~s-sans? i thought y-you didn’t fight a-anymore?

*i don’t but there are a few exceptions

~h-huh? what e-exceptions? 

(Heh, let’s not talk about them please.)

*yeah, i agree. safer to forget them. don’t wanna tempt

*them to come back.

(Okay, ignoring how uncomfortable I am now...)

•I’m sorry, my child. If we have any more questions we will 

•Ask them of Sans. If that’s alright, of course.

-I must say, if Sans is willing to fight these people then

-Are they not a concern for the safety of

-the underground?

(Oh no, what did I get us into. I’m sorry.)

*don’t worry, kid. i don’t wanna think about them

*either so i won’t be answering any questions.

*if they come back don’t worry. i’ll work on some

*sensors we can put up around the underground

*that’ll detect ‘em. i’ll keep ya safe, kid.

(Thanks. Speaking of, I never got to tell you who you are to me....Now I’m all nervous can I just tell you later?)

*yup. i won’t go rabid like the rest of them.

*BROTHER, I DO NOT GO RABID! I AM A SKELETON!

*keep tellin’ yourself that bro.


	4. Sans’ Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out who Sans is to Frisk

(Sans? I-I’m ready to tell you.)

*cool. you don’t have to tell me if you’re this nervous

(No, I need to. It’s only fair. I just...need to just it spit out. Um, if I start the first half of the joke, you’ll probably get it, right?)

*i think i know every joke there is, kid.

(Okay, okay. Hi, I’m Hungry!)

*oh my god

(oh god, I did it, you get it. Ahh, I thought I’d feel less nervous but now you’re just frozen and I don’t know what tha-)

*frisk...

(y-yeah)

*i think ya broke me finally. 

(oh no)

*i-if i had hair it’d all be gray right now. y-you really-

(...yeah.)

*oh man. i don’t know if i’m gonna cry from happiness or

*frustration. on one hand, i got the best kid in the 

*world and on the other hand i’ll never hear the

*end of it from everyone

(Are they really gonna tease you about it?)

*i know you can’t tell, but kid, i’m only eighteen 

(Oh my god, are you joking?)

*for once, nope. ya made me a dad at eighteen

(I’m not sorry. That does make it funny that Toriel’s totally my mom though.)

*eh, one of us can be the adopted parent

(It’s totally you.)

*yeah, it’s me.

(...Don’t tell Mom, but you give better hugs.)

*oh my god, kid, you’re killing me.


	5. The Rest Finding Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the family are told about Dad!Sans

~Why have we never done this before, darlings!

-I agree, this is lovely.

•WE WEREN’T SUPER GOOD FRIENDS BEFORE!

*i think it’s more like we don’t have jobs anymore.

*don’t exactly need money if the king and queen insist

*on spoiling everyone.

•Come now, Sans. It isn’t spoiling when you all deserve it.

*YES, THE GREAT PAPYRUS DESERVES THIS!

•ME TOO! AND WE STILL HAVE JOBS SANS YOU

•JUST DONT SHOW UP FOR YOURS ANYMORE.

*what can i say? i have more important things to do.

~o-oh that’s right. frisk lives w-with you, not the q-queen.

•I really should stop you all from calling me that.

-Even though we separated, you were never de-throned.

•Oh, I suppose it’s alright then. I forgot, if i’m honest.

~frisk? a-are you alright?

(Huh? Yeah, I’m great!)

~really? y-you were hiding i-in Sans’ jacket?

(Yeah, it’s comfy. I’m just really happy right now.)

~Oh darling, You’re tearing up! Here’s a tissue.

(Thank you.)

•DO HUMANS ALWAYS CRY WHEN THEY’RE

•REALLY HAPPY?

(No, it’s only sometimes. I’m just so grateful for everyone. On the surface I didn’t have anyone and now I have parents, aunts, and uncles.) 

*PARENTS? 

~y-yeah, that was plural frisk

(Oh, I forgot I didn’t tell you. Should I? Teasing isn’t nice.)

*it’s okay, kid. i can handle it.

(Okay, but if it gets too annoying I’ll disown them for you)

*thanks, i appreciate that.

•WAIT DON’T TELL ME-

*ARE YOU INSINUATING WHAT IT SEEMS-

~Oh this is hilarious

~w-wait, Sans is your o-other parent!

•Oh dear, this is rather funny. Parents of ages so

•far apart- Sans could be my own child.

*yeah, yeah, laugh it up. i get the best kid in the world

*while you guys are once removed. i win

~This is adorable, I absolutely HAVE to have you

~On my show!

(I always love being on, but is Dad okay with it?)

*yeah, i’m cool with it

*THIS IS SIMPLY TOO CUTE! I THINK MY SOUL IS CRACKING

•HOW DID SANS TAKE IT WHEN YOU TOLD HIM, FRISK?

*heh, i-

(He freaked out then cried)

*hey!

•HA HA HA HA HA HA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t know when the next update will be but I’ll try


End file.
